Redefining Love for the Modern Working Woman

'Love' I think is the most misunderstood and misused word today. With 'hearts' freely given on social media and 'likes' becoming a validation tool, we somewhere have forgotten or lost the true essence of love. We say 'love you' so casually today while texting that the depth of this emotion is eroding.

The other day, I spoke with my workshop participants on what love means to me and how to inculcate unconditional love by simple practices every day. One practice of unconditional love every single day - Smiling at a stranger genuinely, Doing something for someone because you love them and not expecting anything in return and so on. While I was doing that, I asked myself, "What if we cultivate this unconditionality in everything we do in love?"

And with that thought, as I sit down today to tear down the way love was taught to me through movies, books, upbringing and general notion in the society.... I feel layers of false pretentions, clouds of expectations and the pressure to be loved finally waning away.

I sit in my truth right here knowing what 'unconditional' love finally feels like. Of loving someone with every ounce of your being and not expecting the minutest emotion or thing in return. Of knowing that I have the courage to feel all the feels of 'love'. For being so vulnerable and yet not being afraid of not being accepted. And it all feels so sublime. So unrealistically real.

And as I unveil the true meaning of love in my life, I now understand - 'Love is the most powerful and sacred feeling one can ever experience'. 'I love you' is the most holy connection one can have! And the love you feel for yourself can be the greatest gift to yourself.

Being a modern working woman, I further dive deeper into the definition of love and how certain aspects of it do not fit in in today’’s world. Sharing a few redefinitions here with you all!

Redifining Love for the Modern Working Woman:

1. Self love is more than massages.
   Self love for me means connecting with my inner wisdom to feel that deep connection with myself.
   
   Ritual: Taking out atleast 5 minutes to myself away from the mobile and distractions. Sitting in silence. Listening to myself. You can start first by focusing on your breath.
   
   

2. Keeping everyone else’s needs before is not self love.
   A lesson I have learnt the hard way. My marriage was in deep trouble just after our son was born. I was going through the motions of keeping everyone else’s needs before me to feel utterly frustrated. I was a mere robot for some time.
   
   When I switched the age old narrative of love in relationships taught by the society, I started to be better at relationships. I realised unless I cater to me and my needs first, and fill my cup first, I am actually pouring from an empty cup everywhere else.
   
   Ritual: Starting my day with what fills me up. I meditate, journal and then pull up oracle cards for myself.
   
   

3. Saying ‘no’ is self love too.
   How many times have you said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? And felt utterly frustrated and irritated later. As women, saying ‘no’ is very difficult for us. At work, at home. We have this belief of saying no = not loving that person or being selfish.
   
   Where as in reality, saying ‘no’ is the biggest form of self love. Of honouring yourself.
   
   Ritual: If something is not a 100% ‘yes’ for me, it is a straight ‘no’ for me.
   If something is 80% ‘yes’ for me, I will see how much I am ready for the 20% of ‘no’.
   
   

4. My body is my temple and the deepest devotion I can offer in self love is taking good care of it.
   
   Being wisely kind to my body.
   
   For someone who did not exercise for 30 years of her life, this new definition of love emerged when I was in the pits of depression. I could feel the change when I moved my body. Since then body movement is a habit.
   
   I like to think of my body as a Goddess’ body where my soul resides. The Goddess is me. I am the Goddess. How do I offer prayer to this Goddess of mine is a question I ask myself every single day.
   
   Ritual: Put on your favourite song, move your body to the music with zero judgements about yourself or your moves. I like to close my eyes and let my steps flow.
   
   

5. Self growth and spirituality are my highest expressions of self love.
   I am a perpetual learner. I am amazed with the magic we have as human beings. And my every day quest is unfolding that magic in and around me. And for that I lean into my spiritual practices and my never stopping learnings.
   
   Ritual: If you have a rose quartz crystal, hold it in your hands. Close your eyes and imagine love flowing from this crystal and moving through your body. Reaching each and every cell of your body. Feel this love inside.
   If you do not have a rose quartz crystal, you can replace it with a leaf or a flower.
   
   

6. Rest is the new form of self love.
   For someone like me who cannot sit idle, this definition has evolved after many contemplations. Women especially feel guilty when they rest because their to do lists are never ending. What I want to tell you is a car needs to be refuelled in order for it to run smoothly. That refuelling is rest for us.
   
   Ritual: No gadgets in the bedroom.

How to Start Loving Yourself Truly from Today?

1. Define what self love really means to you.

2. Add 2-3 rituals to your day to honour yourself.

3. Check your belief systems around self love. If you feel you need to transform these beliefs, this exercise can be your tool.

4. Be you. What does that mean? How does it feel?

And lastly, leaving all of you who find it difficult to love themselves with a quote -

“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”
— Anaïs Nin

Share your ideas of self love. Your rituals. Your ways. I would love to hear from you! Hit reply if you feel like :)

Much love,
Pradnya 

The juicy things happening in my life in upcoming weeks...

1. I will be replying to all of you who email me your insights on this newsletter.
   

2. For the entire month of February, I will be talking about guilt on my LinkedIn. Peeling off more layers for you to navigate this emotion in a better way. We deserve to be liberated and lead a freer life! Join Guilt Diaries here.
   

3. Lose patience with your kids to yell and get angry? And the very next moment do you feel remorseful?
   We will be navigating ‘anger’ in a one hour webinar called ‘The Art of Patient Parenting’. Join us here to know more!
   

4. Have been wanting to share your story but feeling your story is not good enough or your writing is not good enough? Join Monica and I as we lead you into a journey of self exploration, journaling prompts, hot seat coaching and guided meditations making you confident in sharing your story. Know more about Courageous Storytelling here.