Healing Through Loss: Managing Stress in Times of Grief
 

She was talking about how her dad left for heavenly abode when she was 5. And her mother left her behind with her grandmother as she had to work and bring up she and her sister.


Ever since then she has had abandonment fear. And it all triggered when her 3 year old daughter said to her in a moment when she did not want to sleep in the afternoon, "I don't like you, I want Papa".


She balled her eyes out.
She came out of the home walking in the park and called me.

As we were navigating her abandonment issues, here is what we did -

❤️ My client has been a rebel. It was difficult for her mother to handle the daughter who speaks her mind as a single mother. She chose to keep her at the grandmother's place. This was the BEST she could do.

It did not arise from hate. It was just the easiest way for her.

It was nothing to do with my client. But everything to do with the situation.

We brought this to her awareness.
(A good exercise for you also might be to look at something which is gnawing you from inside from a neutral space).

🧡 There came a softness for her mother in this realization. And as her body drooped down letting go the hurt, she actually started crying to realize all these years she has been carrying immense anger for her dad to leave her behind like this.

In that moment, I took her into a meditation to release that anger knowing it was not in his control.

💚 And as were connecting with the warmth that her dad brought her, I kid you not....

There were so many butterflies flying around her. Literally a flock of butterflies.

Her father has always been with her in the spirit. It was such a heart warming feeling to experience in front of my eyes that I could not stop my tears.

Many people are scared of grief, but I have had to dance with it so much in my life that I seem to have found a way of being with it that feels beautiful and nourishing while honouring the deep feelings that come with it.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but here are some golden words of wisdom on grief which I have learnt working with my mentor Megs Sharland -

• As I sit with the grief of all of us, I am realizing after a highly charged, emotional month for many, I wanted to zoom out and give the perspective that when we talk about grief, it covers more than one area,

  which is the loss of a person.

  the grief of our past hurts,

  the grief of a closed relationship,

  the grief of losing ourselves.
  

• Grief... turns out to be the feelings of being unloved, rejected or isolated from their parents/ partner/ friends in their childhood. The grief in the present life has sat with them inside for so long that when something big like a divorce or death occurs, all those sensations are stirred and want to be released.

  ​

  Sometimes, grief is diagnosed as depression, mental illness, or high blood pressure because the stress it causes in the body is like the bubbles in a champagne bottle needing to get out after it has been shaken. GRIEF is about the unresolved within you, not just the loss of the person/ situation.
  

• Be aware you can grieve without knowing. Signs you have grief within you include...

  Heavy limbs... heavy limbs

  Inability to play, relax

  A disconnect to deepen relationships

  Seek control through overwork patterns

  Building stress fuelled life as always on the edge

  Tension in the gut, and shoulders, the heart
  

• “Sometimes, grief lingers because the grief feels like it is the only connection that we have left with the person we lost. Grief is how every human feels when something, not just someone, goes, and it feels unresolved.
  
  We misinterpret a form of connection and wisdom birthing as stuckness because we do not allow the message, lesson, or truth to move through us."
  

• When the chapters close, life ends, and the only part that has changed is the physical presence. Everything else has remained if we choose and know how to feel and connect to it.
  

  We are all the energy, intelligence, and wisdom encompassing our body, mind, and soul. It is the shared memories, the exchanges, and the wonder they bring us. What someone leaves beyond their presence is their legacy for you.
  

  So, this moment landed for me that the person's past or the change is the final gift to me—you—any of us.
  

  When this relationship is empowering and nourishing, the grief you feel is the loss of the safety and love that your relationship together represented, as much as the person itself.
  

  When the grief is from an unsafe or challenging period in time or person, the grief holds relief, fear and shedding of all that was projected onto you.
  

  Grief goes beyond the person or closure of a thing; it is the energy resonance that you, as an individual, are left with.
  

  There is something more for you within you to emerge, and it is rising because you are ready to release it and feel it in your cells.

  To me, that has become everything.

We are complex systems. It is never one thing; it is an accumulation, a build-up. It is being human.

It doesn’t mean that grief dissolves and disappears. It means how you approach it changes. When your mind has intention and purpose, it filters out societal projections and allows you to work your body and mind in an empowering way.

“I feel grief is on the horizon; I am going to be with it, commit to it, not fight it or push it away, and all the days after that, I need to sit on my memory bench or our daughter intensively, and let it out for as long as I need, I know it will move through me."

"I choose to dedicate time to them and us, not let it inhibit my ability to exist.”

What I have found is that the heaviness somehow transmutes.

My mind knows that,

“It is beautiful to grieve, as it means I have some new or old memories to rise, and through the sadness, frustrations, bitterness or stress, there is an energy that will deepen my love for what was, perhaps realise a new perspective, because looking back is often like a fable, and release the stored tension, somatic distress that I still carry.”

As that happens, the ease that comes, the lightness, the openness to receive the legacy from my lost soul, the person who went too soon, comes down to this one question….

“What do the memories, the person, the moments want to remember me off in my life that will help and serve me feel safer, stronger, better now.”

"What parts of me feel let down, unmet or rejected- what if they are the sensations that are ready to be set free and move through me."

That will happen over the next few days, minutes, or seconds, and when it does, I feel more connected than I even knew we were.

That, to me, feels beautiful.

The energy in the air is to move into action, into what your body needs and wants and into what choices will enable you to set free your blocks.

The change YOU SEEK often sits in the sensation your body is guiding you to feel.

Be with them, feel them, and what if you let yourself move, express, shout, cry, dance, love, touch, hold, rock, soothe and let go?

Reminding yourself "All that I feel is old sensations being shed, all that I feel is allowed and welcome, because I am human and I am meant to feel and release."

Here is a way to begin releasing your grief - https://pradnyavernekar6.gumroad.com/l/ctdbv

Hit reply to share, vent or cry.

I am here to answer any questions, clear any doubts or just listen to you. Hit reply to share.

Enjoy......

I love you all.

Xx Pradnya xX

The juicy things happening in my life in upcoming weeks...

1. I will be replying to all of you who email me your insights on this newsletter.
   

2. Navigating Working Mom Guilt is here to download.
   

3. Looking at bettering your relationships. Here is a meditation bundle that will change the way you start feeling in any relationship - https://pradnyavernekar6.gumroad.com/l/rdwjd