Learning the Art of Saying ‘No’

Most of my clients falter to say ‘no’ even when they know they are going to regret after saying ‘yes’. The fears which usually accompany in saying ‘no’ are:

1. If I say ‘no’, I will be outcasted and abandoned.

2. My ‘no’ will hurt a loved one and they will leave me.

3. Saying ‘no’ means you do not love a person enough.

The abandonment wound is a big one. Every time you feel rejection, abandonment or isolation the wound gets intensified. Only making saying that ‘no’ even more difficult.

Here are ways in which you can start saying ‘no’ with love and grace:

Start with the Indirect ‘No’
If something is not a 100% ‘yes’, it is a ‘no’ for me. You can decide on your percent range for ‘yes’ and ‘no’. You can start with the indirect ‘no’ providing a justification for your no.

Eg.: “I would love to join you for the movie, but I need to cater to XYZ on priority”
“I would have loved to help you in your project, however my project deadlines are intense and it seems difficult for me to cater to your request at this point of time.

‘Let me get back to you’
If you feel difficult to say ‘no’ directly when someone makes a request, it is always a good idea to buy time. This helps your nervous system to be calm and respond in a better way. Rather than being anxious and saying ‘yes’ under pressure.

The Conditional ‘Yes’
You do not always have to say ‘no’. Sometimes a ‘yes’ can come with a condition.

Eg.: If a certain time does not suit you for a social gathering, you can always ask if this can be done some other and some other time. Putting your condition to say ‘yes’ to the proposition.

The Direct ‘No’
Once you are comfortable with saying no more often, you can take the ultimate step in mastering saying no. If you can be very honest with the reason for saying ‘no’ The more you do that, the more it is easy for our nervous system to get used to it.'

I am going to end this newsletter with a few powerful quotes, some of which can be used as affirmations too. These will help you to start feeling easy with saying ‘no’:

• When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.

  Paulo Coelho
  

• Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset or expects you to say yes all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say no without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.

  Stephanie Lahart
  

• Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use your time. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.

  Anna Taylor
  

• I had to learn to set healthy boundaries so I wouldn't put myself in a place of breakdown. Making pros and cons lists for hard decisions helped me do this. Now I'm standing up for my 'no.' I trust the instincts in my body; I have to trust my instincts without knowing the full picture. 'No' is a complete answer. 'No' means, 'I appreciate how much you want this, but I have to say no to you and say yes to myself. Fending is indeed standing up for your 'no.' It also entails letting others know that you are capable of fending for yourself.

  Julie Lythcott-Haims
  

• Saying no can be the ultimate self-care.

  Claudia Black
  

• You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non apologetically — to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside.

  Stephen R. Covey
  

• You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.

  Tracy Malone

Share an incident or episode with me where you said ‘no’ and where you could not say ‘no’. I will share a magic trick with you based on your inputs to say ‘no’ the next time with ease.

Much love,
Pradnya 

The juicy things happening in my life in upcoming weeks...

1. I will be replying to all of you who email me your insights on this newsletter.
   

2. For the entire month of February, I will be talking about guilt on my LinkedIn. Peeling off more layers for you to navigate this emotion in a better way. We deserve to be liberated and lead a freer life! Join Guilt Diaries here.
   

3. Lose patience with your kids to yell and get angry? And the very next moment do you feel remorseful?
   We will be navigating ‘anger’ in a one hour webinar called ‘The Art of Patient Parenting’. Join us here to know more!
   

4. The Rise Sisterhood is bigger and better. Starting the next cohort on 28th Feb 2024. A place where you awaken your gifts and navigate one block each week. Along with receiveing weekly guidance from me.