To the fiercely independent woman who does it all by herself

Women are growing independent. And as long as we are ready to embrace togetherness with it, can we really grow.

Author

Pradnya Vernekar
December 08, 2024

To the fiercely independent woman who does it all by herself
 

(Don’t forget to claim your gift at the end of today’s blog!)

Growing up with an emotionally detached mom and later losing all our savings in the Harshad Mehta scam, I grew up to be fiercely independent. My sister and me did part time jobs to finance our further education. And both our marriages are done with our own hard money. And being independent was applauded by all the ones around us.

Being independent is an incredible tool, skill, and advantage in life. It gives one an incredible drive to survive in a world that holds much power and inspiration.

However, as I worked with my independence, I realised, there is also a shadow, a challenge, and blocks that come with it.

Sometimes, these more challenging parts of being independent block us from how we delegate, lead, and cope with discord and conflict at work. The independence shadow also shows in my clients' personal lives - like when life has a tough season, health worries, relationship difficulty, motherhood or grief.

More women than ever have worked hard to be strong, independent, emotionally and professionally successful. However, when life happens, they cannot share, optimise tribal support, and know how to open up in a way that helps them.​

They are so skilled at being helpers that they don't actually know how to receive safe, reliable, solid help. They falter in being nourished by someone else. They don’t know how to receive love and softness of a touch from someone else. They don’t see and feel life one way, where they are the doers always.

To the world you are flourishing, and the world is singing your laurels and applauding you but deep within you feel empty.

Do you relate?

When you usually get away from the desk, the meetings, the long work hours, and the jam-packed schedule, you feel a bit empty, alone, and over burdened.​

When hard things happen, pivot points occur, your soul stops,

the inner hermit comes out, and she influences you in a way that feels pretty lonely. When darkness comes, you feel like it is easier, safer, and better to cope and be alone.

Somehow, crying into your pillow behind the bathroom door, or avoiding feeling at all,

so that you wake up the next day and keep on going seems the thing to do. With the make up at work, being on time for all meetings and working towards the next goal.

​This is because it is likely for all of us, the fiercely independent women.

Why?

The generation before us unknowingly raised us with emotional denial and illiteracy. They did what they knew best.

Parents who were hit in school and dominated by parents were not equipped to teach us, their children, that vulnerability and hardship are not weakness or failure; they are the human experience. It is how we expand and evolve. It is how we love deeper.

Instead, many independent women were pressured to be the good girl, to be top of the class, and to appease their parents' desires and moods. Some were punished, shamed, and laughed at for "crying again," "moaning too much," or being told, "You need to toughen up", or "You are too sensitive."​

The real truth is, my love, that your belief that you need to hermit away from people is a protective pattern.

Because you did not get what you needed or deserved as a child.

Your belief that you sort things out better yourself is a pattern.

It is based on inadequate support being provided to you as a child.

Your friends, family, and teachers wanted to give you advice, but they couldn't meet your needs for whatever reason.

​

Most of society doesn’t know how to help people who are struggling. Like how many of us get uneasy when someone cries in front of us?

As a result, your subconscious decides it's easier to struggle in silence than to process it with others, have a telling off, be shamed, etc.

It does mean in the storms, your experience is holding you back from

anyone being able to HAVE YOUR BACK.

I say this with heart.

​

Independent women like you, like me, and like all of us in this space, have done enough personal development that in struggle, you don't always need advice; the risk of getting help is too risky.​

It doens't have to be this way. We can learn: COREGULATION. i.e.Someone to be in your presence and bring safety, peace, and acceptance. To have your back whilst you process what is happening, what you are feeling, and what to do next. They become an energetic witness and support an authority, fixer or judger.

Someone who will move at the pace you need.

So, my message is simple.

​Independence is great. BUT QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS ARE AS GREAT.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER.

​REMEMBER, independence can cover up:

A fear of VULNERABILITY

A fear of being REJECTED if you fuck up.

A fear of BIG EMOTIONS

A belief that no one can HELP you (people made it hard for you in the past)

Feeling SHAME

Fear of BETRAYAL

Fear of RESPONSIBILITY and TRUTH

Fear of CONFRONTATION

Fear of being UNHEARD

Fear of letting go of a BURDEN

Fear of being a BURDEN

Fear of not DESERVING

So, I want you to sit today and have a conversation with your independence. Ask these questions to it,

“What is it that you are teaching me?”
“If I want to redefine you what it would be?”
“If I had to hold someone’s hand, how would it feel?”
“What is my first fear if I let someone really in?”

We humans have always been tribal by instinct. That is our DNA. So moving away from it is like moving away from our truth. How can you go back to your truth?

​If any of these land, then please feel free to reply and share.

​If you are thinking - I need and want a coregulation space to learn how to do this.

​Then I got you.

​Hit reply to share, vent or cry or celebrate.

I am here to answer any questions, clear any doubts or just listen to you. Hit reply to share.

Enjoy......

I love you all.

Xx Pradnya xX

PS: As 2025 is on the horizon, I am called to serve you, YOU who have been in my world this year either in my Newsletter list, or my paid or unpaid programs. A note of thank you from me to end your 2024 at a closing peaceful note and enter into 2025 on a high note of energy and purpose. 

I am also sending this email in advance, because if you feel aligned for this gift session of mine you can block your calendars, make required arrangements if any.

Here are the details of this 'Thank You' session from me:

Theme: Stepping into 2025
2024 may have been different for everyone. So we close the year with a sense of closure however it might be for you. So that we do not linger in the past.

Then we get clarity for next steps in 2025 and quantum leap it with a guided meditation.

When: 18-Dec-2024, 11 am to 12 noon, no recording. Only live.

Fees: Blessings and goodwill as a community for everyone <3

Add this to your calendar if you would like to attend: https://calendar.app.google/5mRNzuC81ss55fzw6

I hope to see you there!

The juicy things happening in my life in upcoming weeks...

  1. I will be replying to all of you who email me your insights on this newsletter.

  2. Join Unity before the prices go up. For the woman who wants to have it all. https://subscribepage.io/WKQTUz