Why women shrink inside rooms and make themselves feel small?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

―Marianne Williamson

We women, mostly shrink in rooms to fit in. We are so attuned to our sense of belonging or making someone else not be threatened by our presence, that we try to be like the room. There is innate fear in standing out. On having all eyes on us.

Let’s break it down. One by one. One fear by one fear.

• Women have fear of success because they keep on contemplating if they will be able to manage it ALL, balance it ALL, harmonize it ALL - home and work when they do become successful.
  
  The fear keeps many women from going for their biggest career dreams. For most this might be a subconscious fear and hence you start self sabotaging your success at work. Your brain says “Let’s do it”. But your body and nervous system do not feel safe in doing so. And of course your internal system triumphs and self sabotage happens.
  
  Magic: Close your eyes and tune into each of your cells. Breathe deeply. 10 deep breaths. And say to yourself, “I can balance both powerfully and lovingly”. Then visualize how would it look and feel like. Soak in this energy.
  
  

• Women tend to not bring attention to themselves in rooms and work places. Our DNA still holds the pattern of being small and not being noticed in a room full of people. We feel safe this way. For ages together women have been living with this belief that if they do not draw attention to themselves they are safe. And the brain has created this neural pathway where it finds it difficult to draw attention to us and our work because we feel it is unsafe. And so the palpitations, anxiety, ‘this is not right’ voice from inside.
  
  Magic: Watch interviews of famous women and evidence your brain that it is safe to showcase who you are. My favourites are Indra Nooyi and Emma Watson.
  
  Look at showcasing your talent as drawing attention to your gifts and not 'you' persay.
  
  Ask yourself, 'If I do not showcase MY personal brand, who will? And how will I contribute to this world without my work being noticed?'
  
  
  

• Women tend to fit into a room at a level where the room is. Hiding and not showing their true level. This happens because women have been taught to be inclusive. To not be cocky or show off as it is not a sign of being humble.
  
  And hence when a woman enters a room she tries to blend in rather than shine out.
  
  Magic: Let’s change your internal belief system and language.
  I fit in because I am taught not to be cocky or show off.
  Instead here is a new belief system, “When I showcase who I am in reality. My gifts. My strengths. My abilities. I actually inspire and give permission to 10 other women to do the same”.
  
  How does that feel instead? :)

I think we have been quiet for long now.
We have remained unnoticed on purpose.
We have been sitting with our hands clasped at the end of rooms.
We have been invisible.

Now, is the time to remove the invisibility cloak.
Feel safe in our gifts. Bringing attention to our gifts.
Rejoicing in what we bring to every single room we enter.

I am here to listen to your stories.
Stories of how you felt in rooms and how you want to rather feel instead?
Stories of how you felt when you owned who you truly are?
Stories of how other women were inspired by you?

And as my mentor Megs says, I invite you to read and take on this email and see what resonates for you. Even read it a few times this week, and you will catch something new each time.

Hit reply,

Vent.

Speak out.

Share it out.

Speak out what is your truth behind closed doors, and you wish to untangle.

​All women are so fucking courageous in their soul that they are made to navigate this. I have never met one that is not.

All women are so fucking unique, yet we can seem to unknowingly block how we feel and experience ourselves - when such depths of how we see, taste and be who we are genuinely is SUBLIME.

Your reply could be your micro step to admitting to yourself that you are ready to change the way you approach these times, your existence because you MATTER. It could acknowledge how your self-development journey is so committed, yet you have never celebrated it.

Enjoy......

I love you all.

Xx Pradnya xX

PS: We started June cohort of The Phoenix reminding ourselves who the f*ck we are and what do we bring to any room we enter in. If you are looking to have the same, July cohort is now open for enrollment - exhilirating journey here.

The juicy things happening in my life in upcoming weeks...

1. I will be replying to all of you who email me your insights on this newsletter.
   

2. For the entire month of June, I am talking about how to return back to work post a break with confidence and power irrespective of the gap duration.Join the conversations here.
   

3. Navigating Working Mom Guilt is here to download.
   

4. Are you ready to stand out at your work place with authority? However not sure how? Join the next cohort of The Rose Sisterhood. Your place to start your journey for that 35% hike, promotion, role change or saying ‘yes’ to a leadership role - https://bit.ly/4aaczRk