You cannot change or fix someone unless they are ready to do so.

“I don’t know what catastrophe it is going to take for my husband to change his way of living?”, said a client to me. Her husband has blood pressure and diabetes and she is exhausted pursuing him to lead a better lifestyle. With no change from him.

“My mom has gone through a lot post marriage. My father in law and now my dad both have been very hard on her. She was never appreciated. And as much I want to keep her happy. I just seem to be failing at it”, said a daughter to me who was exhausted putting extra efforts and sometimes fake appreciating her mom to keep her happy.

“I worry for my daughter. She does not mingle. She is yet getting used to school and has been peeing everyday in her uniform for 3 days now. I want to be with her 24×7 to ensure she is safe”, a mother came to me crying.

The one thing which was common in all of them was, they were trying to change someone who was not yet ready to change.
I know the intentions behind making their loved one change was pure and good, however they were missing one important part.

Unless someone wants to change, you can make them attend 100 sessions with me or enroll them for a yoga class or keep on yelling at them BUT nothing changes in them. Instead it causes unrest at home.

You cannot help a person until they reache a pivot point where their inner dialogue is, “Enough is enough. I cannot lead a life like this. I need to do something to change.”

And I know they not reaching that pivot point is painful, frustrating and highly worrisome. So here are some wisdom nuggets for you to move through this void of nothingness:

• Everyone of us comes with our karma and life lessons accordingly. It is not our responsibility to fix our parents, children or any loved ones. Unless and until they go through their karma cycles and life lessons and are ready to heal it, you cannot fix or change them.

• Making someone happy when that person is not ready to receive happiness is a futile undertaking. You can give them momentary happiness by doing what they love, appreciating what they do. And then you exhaust yourself because you are on a mission to stack these moments in a pursuit to make them happier.
  In reality, even those small moments they are not really happy.
  So instead of exhausting yourself by taking the responsibility of making a loved one happy, ask yourself “What if I spend time with this person without carrying the weight of making them happy and be my authentic self?”

• Our kids occupy a lot of our time, when they are with us and when they are not with us if we are parents who worry a lot. Here is what I want to say, “Worry weakens the aura and energy of whoever we are worrying about. Practically we cannot be with our kids 24×7 and the pressure of that being a reality is huge. What we can do instead is build resilience in them”.
  And resilience starts with expanding their nervous system to process the emotions. Co regulating with them. Modeling it to them. Not by lecturing.

• One of the best things we can do when someone is not ready for the change is pray for them. Instead of worry. So surrender your worries to higher power and pray for that person.

• Lastly, focus on this question, “What is in my control?”
  And do just that.

PS: We are navigating relationships and the stress that comes with it inside Unity. And here is what some of the participants are experiencing after two sessions on relationships.

Last two days to enroll. We start on Tuesday, 29-Apr-2025. Reply to this email to know more.

Your questions are welcome :)

Love,
Xx Pradnya xX

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